Home    Health    Family    Legal    Education    Real Estate    Travel    Shopping    Music    Career

Auto    FunStuff    Business    Web Design    Internet    Computers    Loans    Software    Sports

FUN STUFF--Jokes and interesting things that come along the internet from time to time:

The link below opens with a picture of earth from 10 million light years

away and zooms in at a factor of ten, and another ten, and another ten,
down
to the quarks in an atom of a leaf.

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/

Analogies

> > > > Fwd: Actual analogies and metaphors from American High School  Essays

> > > > Her face was perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides

gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

> > > >His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like

underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

> > > > He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,

like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without

one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country

speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse

without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

> > > > She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was

room temperature Canadian beef.

> > > > She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes  

just before it throws up.

> > > > Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

> > > > He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

> > > > The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated 

because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a 

surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

> > > > The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a

bowling ball wouldn't.

> > > > McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a

Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

> > > > From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,

surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy

comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

> > > > Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

> > > > Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across

the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left

Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m.

 at a speed of 35 mph.

> > > > They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that

resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

> > > > John and Mary had never met. They were like two

hummingbirds who had also never met.

> > >He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

> > > > Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one

 that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

> > > > Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

> > > > The plan was simple, like my brother in law Phil.

But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

> > > > The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you

get from not eating for a while.

> > > > "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts

 heaving like a college freshman on $1 a beer night.

> > > > He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame

duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from

stepping on a land mine or something.

> > > > The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee

(D Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to

Rep. Henry Hyde (R Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the

impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

> > > > The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended

one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

> > > > It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing

kids around with power tools.

> > > > He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he

heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

> > > > She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

> > > > Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had

forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

> > > > She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

> > > > Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a

generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

> > > > It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to

the wall.

> > > > The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like

maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Th th th that's all folks.

I went to a car auction today. While I was there they also auctioned off this big disc that you pull behind a tractor and it plows up fields. It reminded me of my friend Roger Mertz.

Every year Roger planted this big garden on the lot beside his house. It was a big job tilling and planting and tending and harvesting. But the fresh tomatoes and vegetables were delicious, much better than you could buy at the store. It was spring and time to til up his garden. Roger was not looking forward to this chore because it was an all day job walking behind his little tiller and listening to the noise and feeling the vibration to say nothing about the hot Texas sun beating down on his head. Just before he got started Roger looked down the road and here came a big 4 wheel drive tractor pulling one of those huge discs, the kind they use to plow large fields. Roger waved the farmer down and asked how much to plow his garden. The farmer took one look and said 20 dollars. He backed his big disc up to the back of the lot and let it down. It was so heavy it sank 6 inches into the soil. He revved up the tractor and made one pass back out to the road and picked up his disc. Roger handed him a 20 dollar bill and sat down in the shade and drank beer all day long. His work was done for that day.--------- True story, if I'm lying, I'm dying.

Auto               Business Travel                Internet Business